My marriage has been one of my biggest accomplishments in my healing journey. My husband and I have been in a relationship for 13 years.
Growing up, I was used to chaotic relationships, and a tumultuous upbringing I didn’t know what to expect.
I was confused about relationships because I was taught to be love-bombed. Something was wrong if a man didn’t love bomb me and wanted to marry me right away.
I was set up for abusive relationships BUT I also had a father. Because of my father, I had a model of how a man is supposed to treat his wife. I don’t know where I would be without my father, he was the middle ground. He showed me what respect and dedication to his wife and family looked like. I feel like my mother lucked out, to be honest.
I did end up in many questionable and abusive relationships. I did questionable things. I was victimized many times and I ran back begging for love. I was treated like I wasn’t good enough and cheated on, I was love bombed then manipulated into making it up for my partner, and I attracted toxic and manipulative men.
Then I met my husband. Turns out we had similar upbringings. We are both 1s gen and eldest children of our family. He understood my struggle on a DEEP level and that it was scary, but it turns out it was because we experienced many of the same things.
I found it strange that my husband didn’t love bomb me. In fact, it was almost a red flag for me. My entitlement took over and I was why isn’t this guy drooling for me. He was respectful, polite, and giving. I wanted to rush things and he wanted to take his time. I was so confused. Turns out, I was getting validation from dating men who drooled over me.
We both had been hurt in the past so we had apprehension about opening up and being vulnerable. We both had anger that we needed to work through. But what was different this time around was that my husband was willing to heal. We both were and continue to heal.
The other men in my life blamed me, and I put it on myself to change and be better. This time around, my husband was about both parties being responsible for themselves and working together as a unit to work things out.
Through each other, we formed earned secure attachment. I don’t talk about therapy because I didn’t go to therapy to heal my mother wound. In fact, my husband is a big factor in progressing and healing my mother wound.
Through him, I was able to trust people. I was able to relax and find peace. I was able to have a secure base to explore the world. I was able to release repressed anger and shame by learning how to lift weights.
My marriage is one of my most significant accomplishments because it was and continues to be healing on so many levels. My husband and I have been able to break generational curses together at a massive scale and I hope the generations that come can get the fruits of our labor because we are doing it for them.
We are doing it for the children so that they know what unconditional love looks like and they don’t have to survive growing up.