The Healing Daughter

narcissistic mother

The 6 Types of Narcissistic Mothers

Your mother can be a combo of these.

  1. The Flamboyan Extrovert
    1. This is the mother that everyone thinks a narcissist looks like.
    2. She is loud, extroverted, out there. 
    1. She’s the entertainer, charming and charismatic, loved by everyone but secretly feared at home.
    2. She only cares about how the daughter makes her look.
    3. She treats others well but doesn’t offer the daughter the same warmth and love.
    4. This type of mother’s life is like a show and the daughter has to fit into the life she has created, fit and conform to her world.
    5. May be materialistic, dance around the room to get attention.
    6. She is the stereotypical Hollywood mother.
  2. The Accomplish-oriented
    1. What the daughter achieves in life is highly important.
    2. She cares about how successful externally the daughters are, not how she feels.
    3. She expects the daughter to perform at high levels, creating perfectionist daughters who never feel good enough. 
    4. She brags about your accomplishments to others and uses them to boost her ego, but never tells daughter directly to her face that she is proud of her.
    5. What’s confusing about this dynamic is that a daughter accomplishes something that the mother doesn’t like. The mother still uses the daughter’s accomplishment to boost her ego.
    6. Judges people based on their accomplishments, such as what college did they go to.
  3. The Psychosomatic
    1. This mother uses aches, pains and illnesses to manipulate others.
    2. She may go as far as faking having cancer. 
    3. Daughters feel like they HAVE to take care of these mothers because they make them feel guilty for not taking care of their sick mother.
    4. These mothers play the victim when attention is taken away from them such as faint or fake a headache. 
    5. Many times this type of mother fakes illnesses to escape her feelings or face the realities of her life.
    6. The daughter watches out that she’s not sicker than her mother, because then the mother will feel like she isn’t being cared for.
    7. Some enabling fathers may say “look at what you’ve done to your mother” or “don’t tell your mother, it will make her sick or upset her.”
  4. The Addicted Mother
    1. Addiction and narcissism go together a lot of times. 
    2. Addition is a way to not face their emotional anxiety and internal problems.
    3. This type of mother will use drugs or alcohol as a way to escape, she is more of an ignoring mother.
    4. A narcissistic mother may use drugs an alcohol to ease her anxiety. This does not mean that an alcoholic or addict is necessarily a narcissist either.
  5. The Secretly Mean
    1. This type of mother has a public and private self.
    2. She may be kind, loving and attentive in public but at home she is abusive and cruel.
    3. At church, she is the loving mother and at home she beats you with her rage.
    4. She will say thing in front of others  “my daughter got married, how nice is that” but at home “I wonder how long you will last with this guy”.
    5. This type of mother will tell her daughter “you’re fat, you need to lose weight, you look a slut”.
    6. The daughter gets confusing messages from the mother and it’s crazy making.
  6. The Emotionally Needy
    1. All narcissistic mothers are emotionally needy at some level but some are way more obvious about it.
    2. These types of mothers are more on the vulnerable and engulfing side.
    3. She wears her emotions on her sleeves and expects her daughter to take care of her. 
    4. She may say things like “Why are you questioning your mother, after all I’ve done for you” “Nobody appreciates all that I do” “I did my best”.
    5. She tries to out match her daughter when it comes to things such as being tired. She will say things like “you don’t know what tired is, at your age I had 3 kids lugging the around with me everywhere”.

Which one is yours?

Heal from maternal narcissism, click here.

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