Narcissistic mother’s have different personalities which I will cover. Under these they are either engulfing or ignoring. They can be a combination of both. They can also changed based on who they are around. They can also be ignoring to one sibling and engulfing to another.
- Engulfing mother – (the smother mother, vulnerable narcissist, may be more covert with her abuse)
- She has to be involved in every aspect of her daughter’s life. She tells her what to wear, how to think, who to pick as friends or love partners. There is no room for the daughter to develop a sense of self.
- Any decision she makes has to be run by her mother, if she makes a decision herself, the mother may get upset and make her feel like the decision she made is wrong.
- She controls and dominates her daughter’s life.
- She is unaware of her daughters unique needs or desires
- Any dreams, relationships or natural talents weren’t nurtured because it was all about mom.
- Mother sends the daughter a message that she needs to be a certain way based on what her mother needs, not the daughters.
- The daughter, desperate to get some kind of love from her mother, abides and loses herself in the process.
- The daughter has no room to grow and blossom or to find her own voice.
- These types of moms appear to be “great” doting mothers, because they’re very involved i.e. taking over any decision the daughter makes about herself.
- These types of moms may see their daughters as mini-me’s or bffs.
- A daughter raised by this type of mother makes decisions based on what she wants and what will win her approval and love.
- The Ignoring Mother – she ignores the daughter, the daughter feels invisible
- She dismisses or discounts the daughter.
- She invalidates, doesn’t hear, and ignores her daughter.
- More malignant mothers let their daughters go without food, shelter, clothing or protection.
- She emotionally and may physically abuse the daughter. The daughter feels like she is not good enough.
- They may say “you had a roof, food and clothes, what more did you need?”
- She doesn’t show her daughter basic hygiene or basic life things a daughter should know.
- Her daughter hardly crosses her mind. She doesn’t reach out to her unless she needs something or wants to look good for a bit.
- If a mother is ignoring towards a daughter, she is the invisible child. This means that the mother acts like she doesn’t exists or takes any interest in what’s going on with her.
Both of these mothers are under parent and they don’t provide support, guidance, nurturing, protection or empathy.
A narcissistic mother can be both enguling and ignoring and can pick different children to play this role.
The impact is the same for both daughters: she doesn’t get to develop her sense of self.
The engulfing mother smothers, and the ignoring doesn’t teach her anything about life as the daughter keeps trying over and over to get her attention and love.
Did you have an engulfing or ignoring mother?