Maternal narcissism is on a spectrum and can range from a few narcissistic traits to narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissism tends to be a primary defense against shame.
In Maternal Narcissism, it can look like this:
- Grandiose sense of self-importance
- A mother in a Latina household who doesn’t listen to her daughter because she is technically higher in the hierarchy than her daughter. She is more important.
- Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
- A religious mother who believes that because she believes in God, she is special and has a gateway directly to God to help her get what she wants.
- Believes she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by or should associate with other special or high-status people
- A mother treats servers around her in a restaurant as her servants answering her beck and call.
- Requires excessive admiration
- A mother who demands that a daughter be grateful for all the sacrifices SHE chose to make without providing the same energy to her daughter.
- Has a sense of entitlement – has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment or automatic compliance with her expectations
- A mother who expects her daughter to fall in line. After all, she is the mother and has a higher authority than her daughter.
- Is interpersonally exploitative – uses others to achieve her own needs
- A mother who uses her family as a way to soothe her shame which includes being abusive to get her needs met.
- Lacks empathy is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
- A mother who cannot tune into her daughter’s emotional needs instead invalidates her.
- Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them
- A mother who is jealous of her own daughter, so she doesn’t give her praise.
- Show arrogance, haughty behaviors
- A mother who believes that being a mother allows her a pass on whatever behavior she displays. She can be hostile and abusive but it’s okay because she’s a mother and a mother knows best.
Narcissistic traits usually are found with these types of behaviors:
- Mind reading
- Silent treatment
- Excessive criticism
- Unfair comparisons
- Conditional love
- Playing the victim
- Competes with you
If you’d like to learn more about maternal narcissism and heal, subscribe to my email list.