The Healing Daughter

maternal narcissism

What is Maternal Narcissism?

Maternal narcissism is on a spectrum and can range from a few narcissistic traits to narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissism tends to be a primary defense against shame. 

In Maternal Narcissism, it can look like this:

  1. Grandiose sense of self-importance
    1. A mother in a Latina household who doesn’t listen to her daughter because she is technically higher in the hierarchy than her daughter. She is more important. 
  2. Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
    1. A religious mother who believes that because she believes in God, she is special and has a gateway directly to God to help her get what she wants. 
  3. Believes she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by or should associate with other special or high-status people
    1. A mother treats servers around her in a restaurant as her servants answering her beck and call.
  4. Requires excessive admiration
    1. A mother who demands that a daughter be grateful for all the sacrifices SHE chose to make without providing the same energy to her daughter.
  5. Has a sense of entitlement – has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment or automatic compliance with her expectations
    1. A mother who expects her daughter to fall in line. After all, she is the mother and has a higher authority than her daughter. 
  6. Is interpersonally exploitative – uses others to achieve her own needs
    1. A mother who uses her family as a way to soothe her shame which includes being abusive to get her needs met. 
  7. Lacks empathy is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
    1. A mother who cannot tune into her daughter’s emotional needs instead invalidates her.
  8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them
    1. A mother who is jealous of her own daughter, so she doesn’t give her praise. 
  9. Show arrogance, haughty behaviors
    1. A mother who believes that being a mother allows her a pass on whatever behavior she displays. She can be hostile and abusive but it’s okay because she’s a mother and a mother knows best. 

Narcissistic traits usually are found with these types of behaviors:

  1. Mind reading
  2. Stonewalling
  3. Silent treatment
  4. Shaming
  5. Guilt-tripping
  6. Gaslighting
  7. Excessive criticism
  8. Unfair comparisons
  9. Conditional love
  10. Playing the victim
  11. Competes with you

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